I have sat here for ages trying to come up with some insightful words to type but I keep writing, deleting, singing along to Lana Del Rey and staring at the clouds outside. The things is I only ever seem to make an appearance on this blog marking yet another anniversary of the day which changed my life forever, 7th May 2005, so apologies if it bores you. It feels like a little release just writing something as sometimes its hard to express myself fully. Even as time goes by I cannot help but feel a little strange this time of year. I would kind of like to have a ‘Sliding Doors’ moment and see what would’ve been if I hadn’t gotten into that car. The optimist in me likes to think I’d be pleasantly surprised that my life is somehow better the way it has turned out because who knows what could’ve happened. Although the anniversary of the accident is on Tuesday it feels it is more related to tomorrow – Saturday because if I was fifteen now and the same story was happening it would be the first weekend in May. As always I will be celebrating life with some drinks, perhaps a secret little cry – mainly because I am proud the way I have put my finger up at this injury. Remember a spinal cord injury is rarely what you are born with but something that can happen through one decision, reckless decisions, so appreciate your body.
As each year goes by the fifteen year old me is slipping further away and I can already feel next year will create some bizarre emotions; being paralysed for as long as I wasn’t. Life is crazy but I have learnt to embrace all of it; the good and the bad. I have felt a lot of gratitude this past year because I realise how lucky
I am, we are, to be alive. The rarity of being born is unfathomable so remember each experience is a gift. In the grand scheme of things we are only on this planet for a short moment in time so we may as well make the most of what we’ve got; what we get to achieve & experience, the mistakes we can learn from, ways to make a difference, proudly love hard & love ourselves fully.
Being grateful definitely makes you feel happier in general and once you start to realise that it is really the simple things in life which actually mean the most you’ll smile more. I am grateful I have a roof over my head, a hot shower, the fact I can breathe, I have a team of staff I employ to help me live my life as normal as possible. I am most grateful for those closest to me. A lot of us think possessions can make us happy but thats always momentarily whereas the things which we take for granted mean more than we realise…until we realise.
As I get older, as if I’m thirty later this year, it often feels a little more difficult having to always rely on people because I am an adult and I know the independence that I have in my soul. However, despite having to rely on people for a lot I have still not let it get in my way too much. I will not ever let this injury define me or stop me from living the life I deserve.
I am sending hugs to any of you struggling right now, know life doesn’t always have to be a struggle, seek the help you deserve. My injury was life changing and its a constant reminder but knowing that’s not just who I am changed the game. You’ve got this.