They say life can make or break you but I am a living cocktail of the two which makes that statement untrue…
I know it has been a while since I typed on my keyboard to give you words to read so thank you if you’re still reading this after almost a years absence. I have come back because each year I write about the anniversary of my accident because it is such a poignant time in my life. It is like the 7th May 2005 cannot escape me. Actually, weird story, apparently my life path numbers are 7 and 5 which is pretty spooky (basically your birth date, name etc is calculated to tell you your life number, check it out on google!). Aside from the obvious freakiness of the date of the accident it led me to remember that the house number I lived in at the time was 75.
Each year I feel I learn more about myself; body & soul. I guess we all do.
Over the past year I have learnt to love myself more, be kinder to myself, know my worth & to always be unapologetically me. These days I listen to my body more and do what is necessary to keep it as strong and healthy as I can. I have been going to the gym much more frequently this past year which has made a massive difference to how I feel. Unfortunately though, I have felt a bit under the weather lately so haven’t been able to be as consistent. This injury (C6 complete quadriplegic) is a lot more complicated than it looks. I literally feel so wiped out if I am unwell which frustrates me so much as I want to do as much as I can…ALL.THE.TIME.
It’s not easy but it is fucking worth it
Even after thirteen years it can make me feel a bit sick knowing that this injury is with me for the rest of my life because this definitely wasn’t my plan. During my lowest times I described my injury as a prison sentence because I didn’t choose this life. I guess back then I was not only physically paralysed but also paralysed with fear and only looking at what I had lost and not what I still had, which is the luxury of living and breathing. In many ways you could say I am lucky because when I was laying upside down in that car with a seatbelt wrapped around my neck I drifted to what seemed the end of my life journey, yet here I am. Everything I do seems to be OTT…I had never broken a bone and then BOOM I break my neck. I never got in cars with boys because I wasn’t into the whole “boy racer” thing (and knew they were generally idiots who thought they were invincible in their shitty tin cans) and then I get in a car and BOOM…life changed FOREVER. It can happen to anyone.
I just wrote out thirteen negatives and thirteen positives but I quickly deleted them. There is no point in feeding negative thoughts and writing them felt like a cruel affirmation. Looking back at my second life of thirteen years I have had so many negative times BUT I have used them as a tool to help people by sharing my experiences. I can relate to depression because I have lived it. When you look at the bigger picture life is far too short to live dwelling on what could’ve been. The positives always outweigh the negatives and the reason I know that to be true is because I am still here knowing life is worth it even with a life changing injury. Always know you’re enough.
California here we come
Ever since I was about 14 years old I have been forever dreaming of visiting California – mainly because I was (still am) OBSESSED with, the t.v show, “The O.C”. When I was stuck on bedrest, with the sharp pain of the halo drilled into my skull to keep my spine aligned, people from my hometown raised some money to put towards my dream trip. However, it just stayed a vision in my minds eye until now. I am beyond excited to be going to Los Angeles and Vegas later this month. Something in me decided it was the right time to go, I don’t know what was holding me back before but I am more me than ever and so this feels the most perfect time.
I have lived with a spinal cord injury for thirteen years now and each year flies by faster than the year before. Life literally passes us by so fast that we need to live a fulfilled, positive one with experiences that will stay with us until the end. Here’s to another thirteen and beyond…
Sorry if this post was a little disjointed but I have just let my heart do the writing for me. I’ve posted this today instead of tomorrow because I intend on celebrating life the next couple of days. I always celebrate the fact I survived and that I am going to make this life the best I can for myself and my family! To anyone who has a spinal cord injury, you’re fucking amazing and strong…we’ve got this!!! XO – Jordan
Last year’s post: