Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if a certain thing hadn’t/had happened? I do, but thankfully not too frequently because if I did I would probably go crazy. Today marks 11 years since my life went in a completely unfamiliar direction (I’m sure you know my story by now so I won’t bore you!). I don’t know why but every year I feel compelled to write a blog post marking this tragic anniversary. However, this year I haven’t felt quite as low as I have in previous years – perhaps because it has just sprung upon me as I have had so much to think about lately. Last year I felt down in the dumps for about 2/3 weeks before the 7th May, but this year I just felt a little bit sad last weekend and for a brief moment yesterday until I snapped myself out of the self pity. As each year passes by quicker than the last I can’t believe I have spent so long in this situation, which makes me think that if I haven’t given up then nor should you. Despite the shit I have to deal with, despite the struggles and the yearning for the simple things in life I am not giving up, I try to remain as positive as I can and will do so for the rest of my life or at least I’ll try.
This year has felt a little bit strange because the 7th May has landed on a Saturday and last weekend was a bank holiday which was how it was 11 years ago. I remember exactly what I did as if it were yesterday. I have also felt extra protective over my younger sister, Eden, who will be turning 15 pretty soon. I was 15 when I had my accident and in the same school year as she is so I want to wrap her up in cotton wool. I just need to realise that after all the lectures she won’t make the same silly mistake of getting in a car like I did.
Being paralysed never gets any easier, theres always the same problems (even my night time routine is such a chore – I have to be turned every 2 1/2 hours so I never get a good nights sleep – I’m a zombie) but I am not one of these people who is simply existing in hopes of a cure. Don’t get me wrong a cure would be absolutely awesome and I would be the first to say ‘i’ll be a guinea pig’ BUT I don’t wake up everyday thinking about it because if it never happens I have wasted my life being so focused on my injury. However, being paralysed isn’t an injury you can escape or forget about.
Shit happens but its up to us how we deal with it. Just always remember YOU deserve an amazing life but the world doesn’t owe you anything so its down to you. Yes, somethings are out of our control and I definitely know this but keep pushing yourself as much as your can and you’ll shine.
Thank you for always supporting me. I appreciate each and every one of you. Today I’m having cocktails and a bbq whilst being surrounded by the people I love. Remember to be safe on the roads, you are so important to so many people.
Previous years posts: