Nine years ago today a fifteen year old girl’s life would be changed forever. Her day started off like any other Saturday, she woke up at her friends house and then popped into town. Coming home feeling lazy she made herself beans on toast and sat on MSN waiting for her friend to arrive. The evening started to draw in and as her friend arrived they started to walk to Tescos. Little did they know that this would be the last time one of them would walk again. Some boys they knew pulled up their car to the girls and after a slight hesitation they got in. Five minutes past and the boy sped through a puddle resulting in the car crashing in to a ditch. The girl thought her life was over. After being knocked out she awoke to an upside down empty car. She was stuck. Her neck had snapped. She was paralysed. Everyone else was safe. The seatbelt tightening around her neck she could see only a bright light and her breath was getting short. She didn’t want to die. She was too young. She has things she needs to do. She breathlessly began to sing ‘You’ve Got The Love’ to keep herself conscious. This was only the beginning of a massive and painful journey but she lived. That fifteen year old girl was me.
Today, 7th May, marks nine years since my life changed forever and to tell you the honest truth the past few months have seemed quite hard. I felt really low before I went to Miami and coming back to reality I’ve not felt great since. I’ve tried to remain positive since I can remember and even more so when I got over my depression as a teenager. However, I am only human and my life isn’t always easy so I’m bound to have low days/weeks/months, we all are. Having to rely on people can be really hard. I have to hire people to work with me to help with my every need, the things you do and don’t realise how lucky you are to do those simple tasks. The thing is sometimes people cannot always be reliable and then I unable to do these simple tasks. Sometimes being paralysed can make you feel like a burden. When my PA’s are ill and there isn’t anyone to cover them I have to rely on Mum & Mike and I really don’t want to have that as the only option. Also, when people leave there is a massive upheaval as I have to find new staff and have them trained. I feel vulnerable sometimes like my life is hanging on a string as I never know what’s going to happen next. I’m sorry this may seem like a Debbie downer post but I need to get things off my chest. I have recently been guilty of thinking to myself ‘why me?!’. Through the not so positive times I’ve come to realise though that most of the time I am so strong. I am so proud of that fifteen year old who had so much passion for life she didn’t give up.
Sometimes life does feel lonely but I’ll get over this negative patch I’m sure. Things have to work out at some point I guess.
The 7th May will always be a delicate date. A day when I visualise that dreaded day more than ever BUT I need to remember I could’ve died and none of the memories I’ve made in the past 9 years would never have happened if I wasn’t a fighter.
After just writing this I want to say that I am not going to let paralysis ever get the better of me. I know its ok to feel rubbish sometimes but I need to remain strong and positive – just bear with me.
Live your life. Be safe on the roads xxx