This is a bit of a different post from usual but I felt compelled to write this for you.
Back when I was around 18 (2008/2009 time) I became deeply depressed, I felt my life was pointless. Why you ask? Well, when I was 15 I had a very traumatic and life changing experience. I was in a car accident and broke my neck at the C6 level which left me paralysed from the chest down. This meant I would need a wheelchair to get around and personal assistants to help with everyday tasks. It took 3 years to realise what my life had become and at this point I became completely down about my life. I remember one day when I was getting ready for college I dropped my black mascara wand down my white top, I broke down in to tears and felt hopeless. Somedays I would just cry for no reason at all but there was a pain deep in my soul craving to have a normal life. I was finally diagnosed with depression and prescribed with fluoxetine (antidepressant). Why was there not another solution than dosing myself up on drugs which made me slightly numb to emotions? Despite the darkest days I still managed to complete college and head to University. I travelled to Epsom in Surrey, which is over 3 hours away from home, to the University For The Creative Arts to study fashion journalism. I was so proud of myself for leaving the comforts of my home surroundings and my supportive family, I actually felt like some independence was creeping back even though things hadn’t changed (in the respect my abilities were still the same). I must say I found university hard at times. I would get invited out but to go out I needed someone to be willing to help me and a lot of people didn’t seem to get that, so at times, I would just sit in my room and drink Disaronno and sing along to Lady Gaga feeling like a melancholy artist. Only one girl, my lovely friend Kerrie, was someone I felt I could rely on, have a good time with and trust whilst at uni.
One day my outlook on life simply changed. During the Easter holidays in 2010 I stumbled across a guided meditation video whilst I was randomly searching for UFO conspiracies on YouTube. I decided to give it ago and I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. I carried on doing guided meditations and watching positivity videos and my life and my energy just changed. I felt so much more positive. I became to realise how lucky I was to be able to experience life no matter how difficult it may be at times. I suddenly started to feel genuinely happy. I contacted the doctor to say that I would like to come off fluoxetine and he was shocked and even suggested that I perhaps shouldn’t. I stuck to my guns and came off of the pills and carried on meditating, getting out in nature and connecting with my higher self. I began to do my own positivity based YouTube videos and everyone who watched them was so supportive and definitely helped me with their words of encouragement and gratitude to my suggestions. I ended up leaving university in my 2nd year as I didn’t feel happy about being there so I came home and never felt happier. I started a spiritual class and learned about reiki, tarot/angel cards, healing and more meditation. Life just seemed to fall in to place and in April 2011 I started dating Mike which was amazing. These days I share my story of my car accident and life to teenagers and so I’ve turned the biggest negative into a positive. I now know if one person is touched by my story then I may have saved one life (in terms of road safety but also for them to realise they have so much potential) which is a great feeling. I’ve even won a couple of awards! Obviously I have down days because life is a lot more difficult than it is for the average person in many aspects but I definitely think that positive thinking and meditation definitely helped shaped me into the woman I am today. I don’t feel like the worthless and lost 18 year old girl I once was now I feel like a strong woman.
The point of this post is to inspire you to know that no matter how hopeless life may be at times there is always a way out. Remember you are amazing and you can achieve whatever you want to. I recommend you all to at least try meditation to free your mind not only of worries or pain but also to stop for a moment and actually connect with yourself. Many of us don’t live in the moment and enjoy simple things like being around our loved ones. We are too busy looking on our phones, computers or iPads. I’m not saying this is bad (obviously as I’m a blogger so I’m online a lot) but I think each of us should take some time for ourselves and connect with our soul. Just breathe and be in awe how amazing we are and how amazing life is.
You can find guided meditations here but you can also just sit silently and take deep breaths.
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and I hope you enjoyed this post even though its very different to what I usually post on here.
Hi Jordan, thank you for such a heart felt post. It’s so touching, I actually had tears in my eyes ! I watch your videos regularly and always wonder how you do it. I have osteogenesis imperfecta (a weak bone disease) and scoliosis (curved spine) and I’ve been depressed a lot in my past. Sometimes I got really down and let things control my life but I always remembered there were people worse off than me. I’ve got used to the pain but mentally I don’t think I’m that strong. but hearing your story inspires me to try harder to overcome these hurdles tht I come up against. I’m going to give those videos you mentioned a try and hopefully it will do for me what it did for you. Never give up and please stay the lovely motivational person you are. You don’t realise how much hope you give to others. 🙂
It makes sharing my story worth while when I receive comments like this so thank you! I hope you find meditation helps you like it has me 🙂 You can be strong just believe in yourself 🙂
This is such an inspiring and motivating post! You have achieved so much in your life and others should take inspiration from you 🙂 xx
Thank you honey 🙂 x
Wow! and I thought posting pictures of me in control tights was brave! What an incredible thing to share. I suffered from depression and anxiety in the past and I know how debilitating it can be. I tend to keep it quite secret, especially all the details as I feel quite embarrassed about it. Sounds like you found a great way through it – and you seem so happy now. Plus you are gorgeous and stylish and I get the impression you have a really positive influence on your readers.
Thanks for your comment Em. I just hope sharing my story and life experiences can help others x
I absolutely loved this post, very motivational! It was nice to find out more about you and how you became the person you are today, I love reading your blog keep up the good work 🙂 I’ve checked out all your videos now keep them coming xx
Thanks so much Louise x
Beautifully written – I can see why you do the motivational speaking, you have a really interesting way with words! Maybe this year I’ll start to meditate. I’d absolutely love to learn to read cards and things too. I’m so into spirituality and that way of life. Not so much in the religious sense, but the way that we are 100% in control of our lives and our future!
Thanks Katie. You should definitely try meditation! I’m in to spirituality in a non-religious sense too 🙂 x
You’re a very inspirational girl Jordan, you are going to go far in this life and you truly deserve the best! 🙂
Thanks so much 🙂 x
Hi Jordan 🙂 I specifically searched for meditation on your blog as I had a hunch you may have written about it at some point! I heard you mention it on one of your videos so thought I should look into your blog too.
I have wanted to try meditation for ages. Well, that’s a lie, I have tried guided meditations but I sometimes feel like I don’t want to have to sit with the emotions that appear during meditation. I know it’s all about quieting the mind but mine just won’t. I suffer with anxiety and most of my day is filled with distracting myself from feeling anxious, yet with meditation I feel like I am having to sit with it. I wondered if you have ever felt like this? I would love to get in the habit of meditating because I’ve seen how it’s changed so many people’s lives around and I am envious of that.
Just wanted to say how I’m enjoying your videos xxx